To Fear or To Feast in Fasting?

I did something I’ve never done before. I’ve been especially afraid to do it because of an incident that happened two years ago in Mexico that I have allowed to hold me back in fear. But I did it. After two months of wresting with the idea and coming up with every excuse in the book, I did it. Friday. October 18th. Zambia’s international day of prayer and fasting. No more excuses. My prayer on Friday morning was simple—Sustain me Lord. Breakfast easy, lunch a little harder, dinner not bad. I made it. But at the end of the day I found myself asking if I fast another day. Day 1 was easy in the sense it was our off day so I didn’t have to go out in the sun. Not saying the house was any cooler temperature wise but at least I wasn’t in the sun all day. Saturdays we do a 2 hour kids program so I knew it would be more challenging. 

 

Day 2 of fast. Saturday morning. My thoughts—Maybe I’m doing this for the wrong reasons, maybe I’m not being wise in taking care of my body, maybe I have the wrong motives for doing this. But God. I know my God. God is my sustainer. God is enough. God is all I need. God is my bread and water. God is my strength. God is the source of my energy. 

My prayer—Father, I’m denying myself the pleasure of food because my hunger to be closer to You and the Holy Spirit is stronger. Sustain me! My praise—The Lord gave me the song Keep Making Me by Sidewalk Prophets. I’ve never really listened to the words ’til that morning. It perfectly expressed my feelings of brokenness, emptiness and loneliness I’d been feeling the past few days.

 

Make me broken, so I can be healed

Cause I’m so callous, now I can’t feel. 

I want to run to you, heart wide open

Make me broken. 

 

Make me empty, so I can be filled

Cause I’m still holding on to my will

And I’m completed when you are with me

Make me empty. 

 

Til you are my one desire

Til you are my one True Love

Til you are my breath, my everything

Lord please keep making me.

 

Make me lonely, so I can be yours

Til I want no one, more than you Lord

Cause in the darkness, I know you will hold me 

Make my lonely. 

 

Sunday morning. Church. Able to stand in front of brothers and sisters in Christ and share my Mexico testimony and how since then I have in a sense lived in fear of always having to have food for fear of what would happen if I didn’t. In my mind, food is what sustained me. Food was what I needed. Food was what I had to have. I was able to give testimony and encourage my African church family that God is the One who sustains. God is the One who sets us free from fear so we can feast even in the fasting. He is our feast!

 

So what is it for you? What is it that you need to do that you’ve never done before? What is it that you fear? (Cause that’s probably the thing the Lord wants to give you freedom from.) What will you choose— the fear or the feast? During my fast, I found a feast awaiting me and God gave me freedom from the fear. Amen!