Expectation Vs. Reality

I admit I love the expectation vs. reality pictures people post on social media. At times we think we are living in a movie and capturing a photoshopped worthy candid photo. But the expectation just never corresponds to the reality. As I shared with my sister and her husband about what I did as a squad leader for Adventures in Missions on my latest trip to Eswatini and South Africa she made the comment “I had no idea that’s what you were doing. If I had known I would have been praying a lot harder for you.” This being my second time to squad lead I thought people had a pretty good idea of what I did on the day to day through following my posts (which were few and far between this last trip) and reading my blogs. But I also realize it’s on me to accurately and clearly paint the picture of what I was doing as a squad leader for four months with 18 participants in foreign countries. You could throw the label parent, leader, mentor, counselor, coordinator, guide, or friend on it, but still none of these words in and of themselves accurately describe the role of squad leading.

So here’s my unofficial job description. This position includes a lot of logistical responsibilities and relationship intentionality. We receive a whole week of leadership training before the participants even arrive for training camp. During training camp we are attending all the sessions with the squad, giving teachings, leading breakouts, setting up scenarios, debriefing teachings/scenarios, sleeping on sleeping pads alongside them, using the porta potties same as them, etc. We were doing the day to day things from sun up to sun down with them. All the while squeezing in meeting times with just our leadership team, setting up scenarios, praying for the squad, talking through logistics, preparing the teaching/debrief times, and so much more. Squeezing all of this in while also being available at any time to have a conversation, pray with someone, encourage a participant, or have a dress code conversation (my least favorite thing to do as a leader). That was training camp. It’s a crazy, hectic, beautiful time of setting a foundation of expectations we wanted to maintain when we arrived in Africa. From dress code, following rules, spiritual norms, vulnerability, Spirit leading, one on ones, core values, community living, all of it. It all mattered in setting the stage for the Lord to work in each of their lives. Not that the King of Kings needs any of us, but He has allowed us to be and desires us to be a part of what He is doing. And it’s such a privilege. So that’s training camp.

Field life for my co-leader and I included overall responsibilities of the finances, communication with our hosts, facilitating grocery shopping, having regular one on ones with participants, organizing weekly adventures, making daily announcements, arranging ministry schedules, planning morning meetings and evening team times, scheduling a weekly call with our mentor back in the States, planning debrief and arranging transportation to our next country. Our days were long but fast. We lived as the squad did and participated with them in the daily ministry but that wasn’t our main ministry. My focus, my mission field, my ministry was the participants. These 18 young adults who had given four months of their lives to go on a mission trip. They were who I was after. They were who God had placed such a love for in my heart during training camp. I didn’t want this to just be a mission trip for them but a life changing launch pad where they discovered more of who God is and therefore learned their real identity because of who God is and says they are. Yes I wanted God to use them to change lives in Africa but I also prayed for God to change their lives so they will continue to have kingdom impact long after this trip ended. Our core values as a squad were death, identity and reverence. During training camp, there was a lot of dying to self and dying to comforts. In Africa the Lord began stripping away false identities, lies and chains and we saw Him replace those with confidence, hope, hunger and love. While the transformation was beautiful the process was at times messy. Hard, at times cringy, conversations had to be had. Feedback and correction was given. Regularly calling them higher to look more like Jesus. There were days when I felt like I had failed miserably. Trying to juggle the responsibilities of the logistics as well as the spiritual development of 18 young adults. I found myself striving instead of abiding at one specific point. Then God reminded me all He was calling me to do was just be with Him. Walk with Him. When I was living like Jesus, that was the best thing I could do as a squad leader. I pray God used my words during our morning meetings and evening team times to speak truth, correction and love. But I recognize all my words would be nothing if I wasn’t living them out in everything I did throughout the day. The life of a squad leader is not glamorous by any means but I believe, while it is one of the most challenging leadership positions I’ve ever had, it is the most rewarding. You’re living life with the people you are trying to point to Jesus and they are watching how you live like Jesus from the moment you wake til the moment you sleep. Watching how I handle difficult situations, listening to how I speak to others, noticing how I honor my co-leader, and observing my work ethic/discipline/consistency/ and unconditional love. This is squad leading life and it’s truly a wonderful life.

It was a privilege and honor to get to live with C squad for four months and journey with each of them individually as they wrestled, learned, cried, grieved, grew, surrendered, served, loved, and walked closer with Jesus each day. It made all the early mornings, long nights, last minute teachings, planning, hard conversations, and being misunderstood all worth it. To get to hear their stories, be entrusted with helping cultivate their relationship with the LORD every day, work alongside them with locals, and enjoy so many sweet moments of worship together was such a blessing. God knew I needed them more than they ever needed me. I thought I was there to teach them but they taught me so much. My expectation going into this trip honestly wasn’t much. The reality was a beautiful season I wouldn’t trade for anything. So much better than I ever could have imagined. Exactly what I needed when I didn’t even know that’s what I needed. Thank God His reality is better than my expectation.