These past three months I have enjoying settling down, getting into a routine, exploring new things, being involved in a new church, starting my own business, creating new healthy habits, successfully making sourdough bread (finally), investing in healthier foods, enjoying extra time with family…
BUT GOD
Out of the blue, a few weeks ago, I was asked to squad lead again for Adventures in Missions (World Race) for four months this January going to Eswatini (former Swaziland) and South Africa. It completely took me by surprise cause I thought I was done with that season of my life and I struggled for two weeks to make a decision, praying and seeking counsel from others. This past year I’ve been asked to squad lead twice since I last squad led and both of those were very quick, simple, peaceful ‘no’s’. So when I wanted to say ‘no’ this time, I couldn’t. The only reasons I had for saying no were selfish. Over those two weeks the Lord pointed out to me all the things I was pursuing and getting involved in were good but I could very easily push pause on all of it and take this opportunity to lead and serve again with AIM. I likely won’t have many more years of opportunities like this. I wrestled with my flesh knowing once again I would be giving up control of my schedule, diet, and time. Giving up the pursuit of my dreams, the pleasure of my own personal space, the freedom to drive my own car, and many other things.
BUT it’s so worth it!
I have been in a season where I keep telling the Lord I don’t want good, I want the best. And I know God wants to give me the best. He has a funny way of doing it sometimes so that’s where I have to keep reminding myself to trust Him and His timing. If I try pursing my dreams and desires in my timing and in my way it would be a disaster. Better to wait and fully be able to enjoy the gifts He brings when the time is right.
Now just a little over two months later the Lord has answered. Here is a small snipit of what I wrote in my journal on September 15.
“Do I believe all that You say You are? What don’t I believe about You? Nothing compares to the long term pain of suffering for disobedience or forcing something to happen in my timing in my own way. So I once again lay down my desires and my plans. Releasing control. My life looks nothing like I thought it would. I’m glad I’m not the author of my own life though. How boring and safe it would have been. Thank You God for using me and writing my unique story. You have so much left to write. I put my trust in you, knowing You’re a sweet God, a Father who gives good gifts. My plans and dreams are held gently with care in Your hands. You know me better than I know myself. Shape my heart, desires, thoughts, and actions to look like You. Rid them of selfishness, pride, control, envy, anger, jealousy, and self preservation. Make me who You want me to be. Use me to build Your Kingdom in unique ways, grow my impact and influence. Bless me Father! I receive Your blessing. My confidence is in you. I depend on you for all my needs.”
And isn’t He doing all that by giving me this opportunity to go overseas again?! This is not the way I thought God would answer this prayer but I trust Him. His ways are better.
January 3 is coming up fast and that’s when I’ll be flying to Gainesville, Georgia to do two weeks of leadership training followed by a week of training camp with the squad.
Please commit to join me in prayer. Pray for me, my co-leaders, the squad, and the ministries we will be serving in Eswatini and South Africa.
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** If you feel led to partner with me financially I will be raising support this time. I will need to raise $4,000 for the four months I’ll be on the field. If you want to give online (for tax deductible purposes) it will be set up here on my blog within a few weeks.
💝